The Sun is Always Behind the Thickest Clouds
by Susan Levin
Summary: After final Bella's college exams, Edward and Bella return to live in Forks. But a tragic event happens to them, and the consequences are far more devastating than most could have thought in the beginning. How will they recover? AH/AU, Canon couples
1. Preface

**Disclaimer: **

I am the all mighty creator of Jasper (Whitlock) Hale and Carlisle Cullen and all other Twilight characters!!!

**2 weeks later:**

Great!!! Now I have a law-suit to attend.

**Present time:**

Oh, well... Neither Carlisle nor Jasper belong to me. Shame, eh?  
Oh, yeah, other characters don't too... *Sigh*

**!!!The all mighty creator of twilight is Stephenie Meyer!!!**

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**AN: So... This is my first Fanfic. It's Bella&Edward AH/AU.**

**Summary: Bella and Edward have been ****together for more than 5 years. Everything goes as it should. Maybe some things come ahead of schedule, but where's the fun in a perfectly planed out life, right? They've had their up's and down's, but they've always believed that everything has happened for a reason and it's only made their relationship stronger. They consider their life together perfect.**

**After Bella's final college exams, they decide to move back to Forks.**

**But one tragic night , which leaves Bella broken, Edward devastated, and deeply affects everyone in the family.**

**Will they be able to recover and move forward, or fall apart?**

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**The sun is always behind the thickest clouds.**

Preface

Can you cope with reality when it is so inadmissible? How can you just simply bow to fate when it takes something away from you forever?

If you lose the one who filled your heart with love from the very beginning, even without you knowing him, yet, and now never getting chance to, can you let that love out and stop killing your heart with it slowly, bit by bit, cutting deeper and deeper, despite that he was the only one you ever wanted to give this love to?

Everything that was priceless to you before – too precious to be given away – has an _exact_ price now – that someone, who holds your highest value in his stranger ways. You'd gladly give up everything you have, ever had or will have, for he's the only thing you wish.

But when someone is taken away from you before you had him for real, can it be called a true loss? Though… He _was_ yours – _only_ yours – from the very beginning…

Can you stop clinging to your past hopes and move on?

Well, you must…

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**AN: I know it's not much and I'll have the 1st chapter posted really soon. But please review all the same. =) Either you're confused, think it could be interesting or want to criticize me...**


	2. Chapter 1: Breaking Down

**AN: So the first chapter is here. There could be some pretty bad mistakes and awkward senetences, because English isn't my native tounge, and I don't have a Beta, but i hope you'll like it all the same.**

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**Since I don't want to cause any confusion, here are the ages and relations between characters:**

**Isabella Marie Swan (22) dating Edward Anthony Cullen (24)**

**Rosalie Lilian (Swan) Cullen (30) (Bella's Half-sister) married to Emmet Andrew Cullen (33) (Edward's brother)**

**Mary Alice Cullen (22) (Edward and Emmett's sister) dating Jasper William Hale (34)**

**Carlisle Ellard Cullen (58) married to Esme Claire Cullen (58) (Parents of Emmett, Edward and Alice)**

**Charlie Swan**** (Bella and Rose's father)**

**Veronica Reynolds (Rose's mother)**

**Renee Dwyer (Bella's mother)**

**I believe those ar enough, for now.**

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**Chapter One**

**The Break Down**

**Edward's POV**

"Edward?... EDWARD!"

"What?" I woke up with a start and a little disorientated. Then I recognized the uncomfortable armchair I was in and remembered where I was.

I was in Forks Community hospital ICU, holding Bella's left hand, as I had been for the last three days. I had refused to leave Bella's side, because she was more important to me than anything else in this world, and I had to be with her, holding her hand, as I did now, when she woke up.

"For the hundredth time – go home!" Carlisle said. "Do I have to remind you that you were in that accident too and have, um… well, _now_, severe concussion? You're neglecting very strict instructions from your _doctor_, even if the doctor is me, about calm, rest, and good nights sleep." He said with pure disapproval in his eyes. "That chair you're in is hardly the place for restful and healthy sleep. You have to disconnect yourself from all this stress – for at least a few hours. Besides your mother's worried."

Oh, right! Esme came home yesterday night. Why hadn't she come to the hospital? I mean, she would want to see Bella, wouldn't she?

I stroked Bella's cheek, sighing. She looked so peaceful – you'd think she was just asleep, but I knew better – she always talked in her sleep. Now, there wasn't even the slightest sound for the past three days. "You know I can't leave her. I need to be here when -" Carlisle stopped my protest by raising his palm.

"Again, she's not waking tonight. She's still in the drug induced coma." I opened my mouth to object, but Carlisle's face turned angry, and he all but hollered at me.

"GO HOME! I'm beginning to question your common sense. Have you looked in the mirror? You haven't slept for more than a few hours in the past three days, nor have you showered, the nurses started to complain that you smell. You're barely coherent from the sleep deprivation. In your condition, this can be extremely dangerous. I believe you can guess what she'll think if she sees you like this." He said motioning to Bella's still form.

I hung my head and sighed.

Of course Carlisle was right. As always. I looked awful, and my head didn't feel very good either – I had major headache – and I had to admit, I _did_ feel a little nauseated. I was surprised that Carlisle hadn't strapped me to a hospital bed himself for my negligence when it came to my own health – and yes, I knew _exactly_ what Bella would think if she saw me like this – she would think it's her fault and blame herself. We both knew one other inside out, and each of us loved the other more than anything and cared for the other more than for ourselves.

_You __must _not_ let her see you like this. _I scolded myself.

She'd have enough to worry about when she got up. Like getting better for one, rather than _me_ messing with _my_ health. And knowing Bella, that'd be exactly what she would do – blame herself for my condition.

I guess I had to go home, for Bella's sake. I was willing to do anything to protect Bella's health, both, physical and mental.

"Please, be reasonable." Carlisle continued, frowning.

"Yeah, you're right. But are you _absolutely_ sure that nothing will happen? I know you said that there's no more threat to her life, but I just need the reassurance. Can I really leave her alone? I wouldn't be able to bear if something hap-p-" My voice broke. I couldn't bare the thought that something might happen while she was alone. I knew that I would be no help, but I already witnessed her die once…

Carlisle gave me a sad, but warm smile, that said I didn't have any thing to worry about. Well, not until she woke up.

"I am hundred and twenty percent sure, Edward. Besides, you're not leaving her alone. I'll be here all night long."

Although I knew he was right, I couldn't help but let my mind wander to the wrong places. What if something _did_ happen again and I was at home, with no way of telling her that I loved her for the last… "Don't you even dare to finish that thought." I murmured.

"You'll come back to me, won't you?" I asked her softly, before leaning over and kissing her forehead.

"Of course she will. There's no major threat to her life any more." Carlisle said again, for probably the 20th time in the last 30 hours or so, and squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. I hadn't even noticed when he had moved away from the door.

His words made me feel a _little_ better… It wasn't that I ever doubted Carlisle's judgment, professional or otherwise, but the uneasy feeling still hadn't left me. It was there, in the pit of my stomach, for the better part of the last three days, like there was something I didn't know.

"Can you call Alice or Emmett to come and get me?" Emotion, that I couldn't really pinpoint, crossed his face at the mention of Alice's name. Concern and anger? But he composed himself fairly quickly.

"I already did." Carlisle answered a little hesitant. I frowned.

"Well… Actually there never was a chance that I would have let you stay here tonight." He explained.

I gave him a glum look. But to tell the truth, I was surprised that he hadn't made this decision earlier. My health was as much important to him as Bella's. I was his son and he considered Bella to be his daughter ever since she began to be a constant guest at our house, with her being Alice's best friend and all.

"I'll leave you to privacy." Carlisle said pulling me out of my thoughts. "I'll tell you when Emmett's here." With that he left me alone with Bella.

"I miss you so much, baby. Please come back soon." I whispered, looking at her ghostly pale face. Oh, how I missed the colour in her cheeks.

I remembered how Bella came into my life. She moved to Forks 7 years ago – two years after her mother got remarried. The husband was abusive and her mother did nothing to protect Bella, so Bella was removed from her mother's care and her dad got full custody.

She was a freshman just like Alice – my little, sometimes unbelievably annoying sister – and made fast friends with her, though they were complete opposites. Alice was always hyper, loved to shop and party, while Bella was calm, modest and shy.

Sometimes Bella would spend nights at our house – her dad Charlie was the Chief of police, and he didn't want his fifteen-year-old daughter to be alone in their house when he had night shifts, and Alice came up with i her oppinion the totaly awesome idea of her best friend spending those nights in our home.

Charlie Agreed to in because he and Carlisle were really good friends ever since high school, so he knew that Bella would be completely fine.

Everyone in our family fell in love with Bella and we all considered her part of our family in no time. What was there not to love about her? She had a great sense of humor, was loyal, loving and beautiful. I fell for her the moment when she first stepped over our threshold.

_It was the third week of my junior year – I hadn't been in school, yet, due to my own stupidity during summer holidays – I had decided to __try Emmett's motorcycle. Without his knowledge, of course. But damn how I love that thing – beautiful, red, completely new Honda Shadow Spirit 750 _(Picture on profile)._ And_ s_ince I didn't really know how to ride a motorcycle the result was concussion, two broken metatarsus and three broken toes … And a broken right arm. At least my fingers were fine. Esme would have thrown a fit if something was to happen to my fingers and I wouldn't be able to play piano as good as before. As if Carlisle wasn't enough!_

_And Emmett nearly beat me to pulp, because I had scratched his baby's paint job and given the gas tank a little dent… _

_Alice__ came in to the living room where I was lying on the sofa and surfed through channels trying to find something worth watching._

"_Hey, bike__r-boy!" She greeted me with a smug grin._

_I turned __to throw her a natty come-back, but I was mesmerized by the stare of the deepest chocolate brown eyes I'd ever seen, set in a perfect heart-shaped face, which was surrounded by wavy, rich brown, waist-length hair. _

_As she met my stare, she blushed a deep red colour. As of now rich crimson is going to be my favorite colour, I thought. _

_Those eyes belonged to Bella and truth be told, at that exact moment I fell for her, for all eternity._

I smiled at the memory and stroked Bella's cheek. What I wouldn't give for her to wake up, and have her blush, as she did every time I said that I loved her.

_It wasn't until the next year__ - my senior prom, to be exact - that I finally asked Bella out. I would be going away to college in September so the prom would be the last chance for me to ask her out, before someone else did. _

_I __had waited so long simply because I was intimidated by the thought that Bella would reject me – she'd always avoid me when she'd come by. I thought that she disliked me or something. But it turned out to be complete opposite – she really liked me and was afraid that if I would find out I would make fun of her or something because she was 2 years younger._

_Ever since that first date we were joined by the hip.__ Of course until I had to go to college. But we made it work. Regular phone calls and occasional weekend meetings, that weren't too hard to arrange since I was going to college in Seattle majoring in music with a minor in teaching._

_Then in the middle of her junior year, while I was at Seattle, her father was killed in firing at the local B&B. Few months after that were the worst in my life._ 'Untill three days ago' I added to myself.

_Since Charlie had had the full custody, my parents were able to become her guardians._

So in a way Bella actually _was_ Carlisle's daughter.

I heard the door open and close "Emmett's here."

"She's been through so much already, Carlisle." I said not even looking at him. "Why do these things keep happening to her? To us?" I heard Carlisle sigh. Of course, he had no answer to that. No one had.

"I'll be back tomorrow morning." I whispered to Bella and kissed her forehead again.

"There is no haste, son. I know you don't want to be away from her, but I assure you she'll be fine. Um…" he eyed Bella's broken frame worriedly. "As fine as she could possibly be in this situation. Take your time and collect your thoughts." He patted my shoulder and went to the door. "Emmett is waiting for you in the Mercedes in the employee parking."

I lingered at Bella's bed. It was so hard for me to see Bella like this – bruised from head to toe, wrapped in gauze and braces, hooked up to all those machines, tube in her throat, an IV in her upper palm… I muttered 'I love you', I brushed my lips against hers gingerly and stalked out of the room.

I couldn't help but wonder what had she done to deserve this? Why was I able to walk away practically unharmed, yet she had to struggle for her life for the past tree days? Though, Carlisle said the crisis was over, she had to stay in ICU for a while – she still needed monitoring 24/7, partly the reason being coma, as, also, mine and Carlisle's overprotective-ness.

I tried very hard not to think about that night – even when the police came to question me about it, I told them every detail I could remember, but in my mind I saw it like one of those 3D movies, I couldn't grasp that it really had happened, and that I was responsible for Bella's condition.

Emmett was standing, back pressed against the car. As soon as I was in his arms reach, he pulled me into a hug.

"How are you holding?" He asked, when he finally released me from his death grip, worry thick in his voice.

"I've been better. How's Rosalie?" I asked to distract him. Although being serious wasn't in Emmett's nature, sometimes he was too observant, and right now I wasn't up for his interrogation.

I'll talk, when I will be ready. I still had to wrap my head around the events of the last tree days. I needed to put everything in the right order and I had to see that Bella was awake and relatively fine, before I'd even _try_ to think of the night as a memory – one that I was at fault - and only then I could make myself talk about it more, rather than just describe the technical specifics to the police.

I think I'd go mad if I had to accept that I had broken or even destroyed the Bella we knew and loved, the Bella that was the air to my lungs, blood to my heart, and water to my brain.

I really wished that the blow I received to my head had developed a concussion with retrograde amnesia, but I wasn't that lucky.

"She's been better." Emmett threw my words back at me. "She had some crampink due to the stress, so doctor put her on bed rest for at least two weeks, and as much as I'd like to stay with her, I have to work, so she'll, umm, _we'll_ be staying at mom's for a while." When it came to Rosalie, he was just like me with Bella – overprotective, and worried sick about the tiniest little thing.

I only nodded, slowly slid into the back of Carlisle's Mercedes and lied down. Emmett was back to his goofy self, blabbering about something while we drove to my parents' house. I guess he tried to take my mind off everything, but I tuned him out.

The car was gently swaying and now I really began to feel my sleepless nights.

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I heard a knock. It broke me out of my trance. The last thing I was able to remember was getting in Carlisle's car – with Emmett on the wheel. How the hell did I get _here_?

I was in the shower, fully dressed, cold water pouring down on me. I began to wonder, firstly, how long was I standing here? And secondly, why was the water cold?

"Edward?" Esme's soft voice called from behind the bathroom door. "Are you ok?"

Was I ok? I had no answer for that question. I mean, physically yes – apart from my broken arm and ribs, few bruises and scratches and a headache – I was fine, but I felt like I was dead, like my heart had stopped beating three days ago.

"You've been in the shower for longer than an hour!" Esme said trough the bathroom door in a worried voice.

Well, at least that answered one of my questions. Then I grasped that I must have forgotten to turn the water heater on and was freezing. What do you expect from standing under constant flow of ice water for an hour? My clothes were soaked, and I was shivering.

At that moment my legs failed me, and I slid down on the shower cubicle floor – my careful self-composure, I had managed to keep for three days, left me – cold water still poring down on me, but now I was shivering not only from cold, but also from the sobs building up in my chest. I hadn't been crying, not even once, since the crash, because, I knew, I had to stay strong for Bella. But now, when I wasn't near her, tears began to rush down my cheeks.

"Edward?" Esme's voice rose an octave, panic seeping in. "Edward, I'm coming in." She said as she opened the bathroom door and stepped in. "Oh, Edward!" She rushed down to my side to turn the water off. She tried to jerk me up, but I didn't move. My mind screamed at me to get up and stop upsetting my mother, but my muscles decided to stay unresponsive.

"Emmett! Jasper! I need some help here." Esme called out in hallway. She took a towel and wrapped it around me rubbing my shoulders. I saw that her face was full of apology. Apology for what?

"What is it, Esm-" Jasper asked, still in the hallway, halting to an abrupt stop as he noticed me. "Oh, SHIT!"

I didn't know how I looked like, but I was pretty sure I wasn't far from a state of an ice-cube. Not that I cared right now.

"Emmett, help me get him up." Jasper commanded. "He's hypothermic. We need to warm him up, ASAP! Let's take him to the bed." They took me by my upper arms; Emmett put his arm around my waist supporting my weight, and literally dragged me towards my room. "Mom, call Dad!"

"Already _am_!"

They laid me on my bed and began to take my wet clothes off. I got even colder, and convulsions took over my body. "Emmett find more quilts." Jasper ordered. "The one he has here is too thin."

"There're some in guest bedroom closet." Esme said as she walked in the room, talking on the phone. "Since when do we have an _electric-blanket_? ... Where? ... Ok. I'll call you in 10 minutes." She shot the phone close and looked at me with an expression that was a mixture of worry, fear and apology.

She turned to Jasper. "Carlisle said there's an electric-blanket somewhere in garage. Please, try to find it… He said if edward's not better in 10 minutes, I have to call him and we're going to the hospital."

Jasper strode out of my room, and Esme came to me, sat on my bed and pulled my head in her lap. She rubbed my arm soothingly and then settled on stroking my hair. Tears continued to run down my face, falling onto Esme's lap and soaking into her skirt.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have… I… I just… I didn't know that you had no idea… It's going to be fine. Both of you will be… Let it all out now. Maybe that'll help you."

I continued to sob, tears never stopping, sometimes saying Bella's name or asking questions to my mother like 'Why us?' 'Why now?' 'What had she done to deserve anything she'd gone through?' until I drifted into an uneasy sleep.

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**AN: So there... Reviews are much appreciated, they make every author happy. I'm not an exception. So, either you like it, hate it, think it needs more work, is boring or interesting, have ideas or suggestions, tell me.**

**Susan**


	3. Chapter 2: Such a Vivid Nightmare

**AN: So the second chapter is here. Took me a bit longer than I thought to post it, because I had exams. Hope you like it.**

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**Chapter Two**

**Such a Vivid Nightmare**

**Edward's POV**

I stretched my arm out, towards Bella, with a little, blue, satin-covered box in my palm.

"What is that?" She asked.

"_That_ is a ring. But you can only get it if you'll marry me."

Bella's eyes welled with tears and her cheeks turned the beautiful crimson, which was brought out even more, by the blue colour of her dress. _Oh, damn, I love that blush!_ But that's nothing compared to the blush that comes out when she's completely naked before me.

_Ugh, Cu__llen! Get your mind out of the gutter and get to the point_. I quickly shook away the thought, but not before promising myself, that tonight would be special in every way and she'd never forget it. _Mmm, that dress. _It fit her curves perfectly and I couldn't wait until we would go home to celebrate our engagement. _(Dress picture on profile)_

The thought of me peeling off the dress and said blush appearing on her face, got my little friend a little, ok, a _lot_ exited.

_Damn__ it, Cullen! You can't have a sex fantasy when you're proposing._ I chastised myself. _Think of something gross. _Suddenly I remembered Emmett in a pink tutu at his bachelor party. The memory worked perfectly, and so I got on one knee in front of her and asked the one question that was choking me the whole day.

"Isabella Swan, will you become Isabella Cullen?" I wanted to keep it short, but not the ordinary 'will you marry me', because it always made me think of cheap soap-operas.

I took her palm, placed the little box in hers and slowly took the lid off.

"Oh!" Bella paused mid-breath and exhaled with a gust as she saw the three round diamonds in a simple white gold band with engraved "Forever" above the diamonds and "Always" below. _(Picture on profile)_ The ring was simple, but by no means ordinary – just like my Bella.

Deliberately, she took a slow breath, and fear of rejection rushed though me.

_What if she's not ready? Had I done this too soon?_

The air got thicker by the second. Every person in the restaurant was frozen with anticipation. Seconds felt like hours as I was waiting for any kind of answer.

Her eyes darted from ring to me and back and she opened her mouth to say something, but no sound came over her lips. Right now I wished I could read minds. Especially _hers_.

Then, what felt like a lifetime later, she just took my face in her hands and kissed me so passionately, that I knew she had wanted this for a long time now. Hell, I think I've wanted this since I went with her to my senior prom.

Our lips moved in perfect sync, and the tension around us turned into joy. People burst into applause and cheers.

I felt her lips turn into a smile and when I pulled back I saw her blush again, but a huge grin spread on her face, lightening her eyes, and I knew that _now_ we really were the two happiest people on Earth.

I slipped the ring on her third finger and kissed it.

"Forever and always." She whispered. "The ring… It's beautiful, Edward"

"Alice's design. But I gave her the guidelines of what I wanted."

"Alice knew?" Bella quirked an eyebrow. "And didn't tell anyone? Well, that's a first."

We both laughed at that. Usually Alice had no idea how to keep a secret. I just hoped that this time would be different.

The night continued practically just as before, except that the third finger of Bella's left hand now held the proof or my love towards her, and her promise to be mine forever and always.

All the time, while we were in the restaurant, people kept shooting us glances, and around 11pm Bella joked that now we've had enough attention for the rest of the year, and we decided to go home to tell our family the good, no, the wonderful news.

I really hoped that Alice had kept her mouth shut. These weren't her news to tell.

When we got in to the car I turned on the radio at the very moment when our song began to play.

_Best__ thing 'bout tonight's that we're not fighting  
Could it be that we have been this way before  
I know you don't think that I am trying  
I know you're wearing thin down to the core_

I took Bella's hand in mine and as the chorus started began to sing to her

_But hold your breath  
Because tonight will be the night  
That I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
Or I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
You're impossible to find_

Bella's eyes welled with tears.

_This is not what I intended  
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart  
You always thought that I was stronger  
I may have failed but I have loved you from the start_

Even though the verse was not exactly about us, the chorus was exactly how I felt about Bella.

_Oh, But hold your breath  
Because tonight will be the night  
That I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
Or I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
It's impossible_

The tears in Bella's eyes brimmed over; I quickly wiped them away with my thumb, and Bella leaned into my palm.

_  
So breathe in so deep  
Breathe me in  
I'm yours to keep  
And hold on to your words  
Cause talk is cheap  
And remember me tonight  
When you're asleep_

This was our song, because after I danced with Bella at this song at my senior prom, we shared our first kiss.

_Because tonight will be the night  
That I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
Or I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find_

I didn't realize that I was crying until _Bella_ wiped _my_ tears away.

_  
Tonight will be the night  
That I will fall for you  
Over again  
Don't make me change my mind  
Or I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
You're impossible to find_

As the song came to an end, I leaned closer to Bella and captured her lips in a soft and sweet kiss, just as our first had been. I didn't try to deepen it, because I wanted the feeling to be as close as possible to that first kiss. I wanted to bring back the memory at full force, and judging by Bella's erratic heartbeat, I had achieved it.

When I pulled back Bella was breathing heavily. "Are you okay, love?" I asked, chuckling.

"Yeah… I'm fine… great, actually… Wow. That was something… Umm, not that you kisses aren't always wonderful," She said when I narrowed my eyes jokingly, "but, that… that was something exceptional." I chuckled and gave her a light peck on lips, before starting the car.

On our trip home we held each others hand and just talked about all kinds of trivial things, and you couldn't even tell that we had just engaged. Though, Bella had folded her arms in her lap, and I caught her glancing at her ring every once in a while.

I took her left hand, kissed the ring and let our intertwined hands rest on her thigh.

We decided that we were going to see "Angels and Demons" next week in Port Angeles. Bella wanted to see "17 again" But I refused to look at Zac Efron more than it was inevitable.

Although everything seemed to be great, something in Bella made me uptight tonight – she didn't really pay attention to anything, her eyes glazed over, and this time she played with my fingers absentmindedly.

She acted somewhat weird the whole night, ever since I picked her up at 8pm. She drifted somewhere in her thoughts every once in a while, and I wanted to know what was bothering her. Well… Not exactly _bothering_ – she looked happy. But I didn't push her. She'd tell me when she wanted to.

She snapped out of it and burst into laughter when I began to discuss the different shades of green in the few traffic-lights in the town, testing if she could even hear me.

When I had to shift, I unwillingly broke my grip on her hand, and she just turned her hand upwards, waiting for mine to return. I put it back and again she started to play with my fingers, again.

I gave her hand a little squeeze to get her attention. The tension was growing in me and I began to feel frustrated, so I asked her. "Bella, what's wrong?"

She looked at me and smiled. "Nothing's wrong." She answered still smiling and emphasizing the word 'wrong'. "I'm just anxious about telling everyone. Can we tell Carlisle and Esme first?"

"Sure, but that means we'll have to wait until morning. Dad has a graveyard tonight."

"You don't mind waiting?" She eyed me suspiciously.

"No. Because do you know what not telling anyone means?" I asked wiggling my brows.

"Oh, God!" She shouted and I immediately tensed, and almost slammed the brakes. Was there something on the road? She noticed my distress and laughed. "I'm sorry, it's just that, you're turning into Emmett."

"What? What made you to come to that conclusion?" I was lost.

She only wiggled her brows in response and I understood. Emmett always wiggled eyebrows when he was making sexual innuendos.

"Honey," she said, stroking my cheek with the back of her palm, since she was still holding my hand in hers. "May I remind you that we're staying at your parent's house? I respect them too much to allow you to turn into Emmett. Imagine how disturbing it would be for them."

"Oh, yes." I agreed in a very serious tone. "Though, probably, a bit less disturbing, than me hearing them, last night. I will never get up in the middle of the night to get some water again." I shuddered at the memory of hearing my parents having sex. I know they have sex, I mean it's important part of every relationship in every age, but having _that_ kind of confirmation… That's just wrong.

As I had predicted, Bella burst into a fit of laughter. "A-are you se-serious?" She asked struggling for breath.

"It's not funny. I didn't need a confirmation that Emmett's loudness was inherited." As I finished the sentence, Bella's laughter was replaced by shocked silence.

"Seriously?" She scrutinized my face looking for some kind of proof that I was lying. _I really wish that I was_.

I just nodded.

"Wow, who would have thought of that? I always thought that Carlisle was the quiet type, considering he's always calm and composed."

"Oh, _he_ is." I said, and barely could hold my laughter in because Bella's eyes almost popped out of their sockets as the realization sunk in.

"You know I have only one thing to say." She said in a very serious tone. "Just because we're not as loud, doesn't mean the sex isn't as good." I smiled at that and brought her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles and then the ring.

"And now," she continued "we have a proof of it". She said as she towed my hand back to her, but, before I could ask her what did she mean by it, a flash of white blinded me, I felt an impact, and the car was set spinning.

My head hit the window, and everything went black…

*-*-*-*-*

Flash. Scream. Flash. Screeching metal. Flash. Sirens. Light. The Light! BELLA!

I tried to open my eyes, unsuccessfully. The blackness still hovered over me and I lost against it again.

*-*-*-*-*

I was brought back by a light flashing in my eyes. I blinked a few times, before I realized that the light came from a light-pen, with which a paramedic was checking my eyes. I was lying on my back so I realized I wasn't in the car any more.

"Edward?" I knew had heard this voice before, but I couldn't recall where. My head was throbbing, and my arm was killing me. I wanted to look at the man, who had said my name, so I tried to turn my head, but couldn't – I was wearing a neck-brace.

_The light!'_I thought. _Oh, no!_ "Bella?"

"Edward?" the man said again, leaning over so I could see him. I recognized him now. The bald, middle-aged paramedic, with salt-and-pepper goatee, was named Ivan. He was Carlisle's med-school-time friend, who moved to Forks a few years ago.

"Bella! Where's Bella?" I asked him.

"The girl who was with you?" He asked with a hint of Russian accent. I couldn't nod so I said 'yes'.

"She's taken care of by the other unit."

"How is she? I need to see her." I tried to get off the stretcher, but Ivan put a firm hand on my shoulder to hold me in place.

"Not right now, Edward. We're going to the hospital and so is she. You'll be able see her there." I knew there was no point of arguing, though, not seeing her, made me really nervous.

Just before they loaded me into the EMT van, I saw my car. It was a complete wreck. "SHIT! BELLA!" My heart sped up to thousand beats per second. I tried to get up, but again Ivan stopped me. "Edward, you can't help her now."

The whole drive to the hospital I desperately tried to calm myself down. _She'll be fine_ I chanted in my head. _But the other car, it collided into the passenger's side._ _This has to be bad._

We arrived in less than 5 minutes, and I saw Carlisle already waiting when they took me out of the van.

Ivan began his report on me. He was about to say my name when he turned around and saw Carlisle. He greeted him and, after Carlisle told them to take me to Trauma room. Ivan continued explaining my condition.

I was brought into one of the green OR-like room and moved to the gurney in the middle of it.

A nurse immediately hooked me up to a heart monitor and pulse-oxymeter. _Growing up with a doctor has it's pros_. I thought. _At least I know what they're doing to me._

Carlisle came in after a minute. "Well, your oxygen level is fine, heart rate normal. Does your neck hurt?"

"No, I'm fine, apart from the back of my head and arm. You have to take care of Bella." She was so much more important than my minor injuries.

"As soon as she's here, I will. We're waiting for the other unit to come, everything is prepared." An expression of anguish flashed over his face. "But, until then, let me examine you." He slowly took of the neck-brace.

"It's bad, isn't it?"

"I really don't know much." He sighed. But he knew _somethin_g. And I wanted to know, 'cos I didn't know _anything _at all.

"Carlisle, you know something. How bad is it? Please, tell me."

"Tell me if it hurts anywhere." He demanded, quibbling. "And don't try to downplay anything." Then he moved my head from side to side. It didn't hurt. As I said, I had no injuries besides few bruises, scratches and my throbbing head and arm.

"Slowly put your chin to your chest." I did so. But I had to know how Bella was, so I pressed again.

"Carlisle…" I began to plead.

"Right now it doesn't look so good." He answered knowing what I wanted to say. "But I haven't examined her, so I can't tell you what to expect."

My heart sank. 'Doesn't look good' did that mean that her life was in so much danger that she could leave me any moment now?

_NO! She can't. I need her. _I couldn't live another day if she weren't there with me.

Carlisle asked me to sit up and follow his finger with my eyes, without moving my head. Though as I set up, I winced at the pain in my right side, that weren't there before. Carlisle checked them and said that I had probably broken some of my ribs. After the eye-test, he did the usual reflex check and then I had to stand with legs put together, arms stretched in front of me, and close my eyes. I didn't notice that I'm falling until I almost hit the concrete floor, but Carlisle caught me.

"So, your eyes are a little twitchy and you have problems with your equilibrium. Do you remember what happened? Any blackouts?"

"No, I remember everything, apart from the time while I was unconscious." I replied trying to shove the terrible images of my wrecked car off my mind.

"Do you feel dizziness, nausea or headache?" Carlisle continued with well memorized lines of diagnostic questions.

"Just a bit dizzy and a little throbbing where my head hit the window." I touched the bump in the back of my head and winced.

"Okay, let's check this then." He said motioning to my arm. I heard him sigh when he took off the brace.

"I'll have to fix this. Reposition the bones. You'll need an operation. But first let's take X-rays.

He turned to a nurse. "I need X-rays for right arm from elbow to metacarpus, included, two projections, head – two projections, back and left side – and a chest X-ray. As soon as you have them, page me."

"Will do Dr. Cullen."

"And give him 3ml "Lasix" and ampoule "Almiral" as intramuscular injections." Carlisle said turning for the door.

I refused to use the wheelchair to go to radiology. I got back to the ER about 15 minutes later, with X-rays in hand. Nurse paged my father, and told me to wait in the Exam room 3. I began to freak out, because Bella wasn't here, yet. Well at least I hadn't heard any sirens yet. What could take them so long?

That's when I saw her.

She was on a stretcher, with a neck-brace, more braces on her leg and arm. She was covered in blood and her skin, where I could see it, was black and blue. The paramedic was squeezing a blue bag, which was attached to a tube that went down her throat. _Oh, God,_ _She couldn't breathe!_

I barely saw Carlisle rush to her side and paramedics beginning to talk to him. I tried to hear something, but I felt like someone had turned of the sound. I couldn't hear anything apart from my own frenzied heartbeat.

Carlisle's expression was a mixture between, horror, anxiety and worry. He couldn't hide his emotions anymore. But I knew he would not allow familiarity and personal affection interfere with his judgment. And I trusted him with everything I had.

I stood there, in the middle of the ER, frozen as if my feet were welded into the floor.

Finally, I regained control over my limbs and ran to the room which Carlisle had entered. I went in and froze again.

There were two doctors and four nurses working on her. I felt like I was being submerged in a pool – my vision was blurry and sounds around me were dull, exactly like my ears were full of water. I saw the green line on heart monitor drawing regular pattern of her heartbeat. But that didn't make me feel even an inch better.

Right now I was looking at her hand – Carlisle was standing in front of her face. There was an IV in her upper left palm, red fluid dripping into it – _she was receiving blood?_ – I couldn't stand the sight, and my eyes went lower to her fingers – I saw the ring, covered in blood, and freaked out. I was so scared. We'd been perfectly happy just an hour ago. How could this bee happening? I realized that I could loose her – right here, right now.

I saw Carlisle shot a frantic look to the right side. I followed his gaze and noticed the difference in the heart rate. The green line shoot up and down a lot faster than before. What was happening? I wanted to ask Carlisle, but I couldn't find my voice. And even if I could, I would keep quiet - he had to pay attention to Bella.

Carlisle took the defibrillator paddles from a nurse. And another nurse ripped her blouse open. Abruptly the green line went flat.

Oh, no! Bella, NO! She _couldn't_ die. She mustn't leave me. Carlisle would save her.

He put the paddles on her chest and everyone stepped away. Bella's back arched and slammed back to the gurney. The line was still flat.

He shouted something, but I still couldn't hear. He put the paddles back on her chest, her back arched again, but her heartbeat didn't come back.

That was it… She was gone... I'd lost her…

"BELLA!" I shouted franticly looking around.

"Edward, Shhh… It was just a dream. It's fine. Calm down." I was in my bed, panting, my heart trying to rip its way out of my chest, in its frantic beat. Esme held me, rubbing soothing circles on my back. "She's the same as she was yesterday. It was just a dream."

"No, it wasn't a dream."

"Of course it was." Esme said as she shot me a confused look.

"Technically, yes, it was a dream. But actually, it was a memor-y" my voice cracked "of saturday."

* * *

**AN:So there you go, that was the next Chapter. Review, please, no matter what you think. :) This is my first story and as I've said before English isn't my native tounge. Your oppinion really matters to me, positive or negative.**

**There could be some things slightly off with the medial stuff, as, probably, some of the medications, prosedures and all that, but thats partly because I'm not from US. It works different here, and also I'm not a doctor. :)**

**And I had some very bad mistakes in the previous chapter, but I've corrected the ones that I found.**


	4. Chapter 3: Just Put Your Emotions Aside

**AN: Again it took me longer to post this chapter. This time because i have broken my finger. Hurts as hell and the restricted movement doesn't help either. **

**So the next POV on that awful day.**

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**Just Put Your Emotios aside.**

**Carlisle's POV**

I had a 12 hour graveyard shift in the ER. I sighed – this promised to be a long night, as every other night during full moon. I expected this night to be a bedlam. It seemed to me that people in Forks and nearby region waited for full moon to do every crazy or stupid thing imaginable, like practice alchemy, try homemade explosives or just simply ignore every traffic rule known.

But nothing could mess with my mood tonight. This morning I found out wonderful news.

*-*-*-*-*

I walked in the kitchen, still half asleep. Bella was sitting at the island, drinking coffee. It was great to have Edward and Bella back. Bella had finished college not just two weeks ago, and had now moved back to Forks.

They had decided that they wanted to be close to friends and family.

"Morning, Carlisle." She greeted me with a somewhat glum expression.

"Morning, honey." I said kissing her cheek. "Did someone kill your cat this morning?"

"Huh?" She shot me a confused glance.

"Well, to say you look unhappy would be a huge understatement." I chuckled.

"Oh. You know that I could actually blame you for that?"

"How so?" I asked truly confused.

"Alice is taking me to a day at a Spa, and since she _is_ your daughter that _you_ raised," She said glaring at me mockingly and poking a finger in my chest, "I am holding you personally responsible for my awful mood."

"I don't see how Alice being Alice is my fault. You know she is like that not because of me or Esme, we have never encouraged any of her obsessions." I said chuckling.

"You should have at least prohibited her drinking 'Red Bull' or any other drinks with high caffeine dosages, as a doctor of course. Speaking of which, aren't you supposed to be at work?" She looked at me warily.

"Henry owed me, and I asked him to take my day and thankfully he did, so I have graveyard only. I couldn't endure full 24 hours in the ER, during full moon, after the crazy week I already had. It's been awful. I still have heaps of unfinished paperwork waiting on my desk. Sometimes I wish I could just blow that institution up."

She tried not to laugh. "Thought you liked working in a hospital."

"I do. But sometimes it gets too much. I love working with patients, but the amounts of paperwork we have to fill... It's ridiculous. "

She laughed. "Let's compare the amounts of paperwork when I start working, ok? I would love to see how you would read through, correct and mark about 75 500 word essays in 2 days." She said still laughing, and patted my shoulder. "Be happy with what you have, Carlisle. Trust me we all could do so much worse." Bella got up from the chair and staggered.

"Are you ok?" I looked at her worried, while steadying her.

"Yeah, just a head rush." I let her go. She went to the living room and collapsed. I ran to her.

"Bella?" I checked her pulse and breathing. They were steady – she'd just fainted. The doctor in me asked, _What had caused her to faint?_

I scooped her up and laid her on the living room sofa.

She came around in a few minutes.

"What…. How did….?" She sat up.

"Lay down for a minute. You fainted." I answered her unspoken question.

"Yeah, I got that." She lied back on the sofa and put her arm over her eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"To tell you the truth, I've been feeling a little weird for the past few weeks actually, and this was not the first time I fainted." She said nervously.

Dr. Cullen mode now came out full force. "Tell me what do you mean by weird?"

"I just need to rest. I've just overworked my poor ass off. I was studying for the exams so hard, I practically didn't have time for anything else. And even though the exams are over I'm still in that frenzied rhythm. I have feeling that this is how my brain says it's frying. Sleep deprivation doesn't help also. But as for your question…I'm really tired, some days I have a pretty bad headache. And I have these mood swings, that actually been giving Edward a whiplash. And, as you already saw, I fainted."

It could be just overworking or some minor illness, if she hadn't mentioned the mood swings. The symptoms also fit the ones of pregnancy. I tried to start easy, so I didn't go straight to asking when her last period was. "Do you feel any nausea, queasiness or heart burn?"

She considered that for a second. "Yeah, I do have a heart burn. Why?" She looked at me, waiting for an explanation.

"Bella, when was your last period?"

She snorted. "You think I'm… I'm _pregnant_?" She looked at me in disbelief, but I could see the wheels turning in her head as she counted. She gasped. "No! I can't be! We were always being safe!"

I gave her a small smile. "You should know that none of the contraceptions are 100% safe. So, when _was_ your last period?"

She moved her fingers, counting. "Roughly about seven and a half weeks ago…" she looked shocked. Well, she should.

"Was it the same as always?"

"No not really. It was much lighter than usually. I thought it's because I've been neglecting my health. Stupid exams! GOD, how could have I missed this?!"

"Okay. So what would you say if we took a trip to the hospital and confirmed my suspicions?" I smiled.

An hour, a vial of blood and cup of urine later, the confirmation of Bella's pregnancy came from the lab, and I decided to do an ultrasound right away.

So now Bella was laying on a brown vinyl mattress cot. I sat next to her, in front of an ultrasonoghaphy machine. I told her to pull up her blouse a little and open her jeans. She winced a little, when I squirted a small portion of the cold gel on her lower stomach.

I began to move the transducer over her stomach, trying to find the best angle. The image I saw finally made the events of last hour sunk in my mind. She definitely was pregnant. And by judging of what I saw, in 7 and half months I would to be a grandfather for the fourth time.

I turned the screen so that Bella could see it.

"See this?" I asked her, circling my finger around one specific area of the screen. "That's his or hers head. And that's" I moved my finger "the rest of the body."

"Carlisle?" Her voice was barely above a whisper. "Can you tell how old is he?"

"I'd say around ten weeks." I said to her. And then added to myself, "Which makes me want to try something."

I took a different transducer, pushed a few buttons and moved it around her stomach again, searching.

The small room got filled with quiet thrumming sound. I looked at Bella, grinning.

"What is _that_?" She asked, confused.

"That's his or hers heartbeat, Bella." Her face changed – it was full of awe, now, and her eyes began to fill with tears. "Oh, Carlisle!"

I gave her a Kleenex. She wiped her eyes and continued to look at the screen in complete amazement.

*-*-*-*-*

Bella had decided to tell Edward tonight. I felt so happy for them.

After I drove Bella back home and left her in the mercy of Alice, I decided that after a nice nap I would go to the hospital a bit earlier to catch up on some paperwork.

When I had signed the last paper that was in my 'got to finish tonight' stack, I looked at the clock. It showed 7:52. My shift began after an hour, or later – if I was lucky and the night began easy, but even if it did I knew that at some point it would eventually turn into a nightmare.

The night did begin quite easy – I had to stitch up few teenagers, who had gotten into a fight. There was also an aching stomach, which turned out to be appendicitis. Nothing out of the ordinary happened and I just hoped that for once it just stayed that way.

The time I had nothing to do in the ER, I spent in my office, checking through online jewelry stores, looking for something nice for Esme. I hadn't got her anything nice for a while. _Okay, that's a lie and you know it._ It was a lie, but she's been in LA for 3 days already, and I miss her so much that I just want to spoil her like… Like I always do. I smiled to myself at that. No matter how long we've been together or what we've been through, I still felt like I fell for her again and again every time she came back from her work trips.

Somewhere around 11:15pm my pager beeped. I looked at the screen – 'Trauma minor, ETA 5 min'. I saved the page where I found a very nice necklace, but before I even got up to head downstairs, a nurse rushed into my office without knocking, and slamming the door so hard that the doorknob was bound to leave a mark in the wall.

"Dr. Cullen!"

I shot her an angry look, before I noticed panic in her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"T-t-there's been an, an, an accident. Two ca-cars. One hit other. The EMT's are coming. You have to go. It's pretty bad. Go. Go down." She was speaking so fast and stammering that I could barely understand what she was saying. "The first victim… It's… It's…"

"Laura clam down. Why are you so panicked? Was someone of you family in that car?" I knew that Laura had a little kid. If something had happened to him…

"No." She shook her head frantically. "Edward was in one of the cars."

A gasp escaped my lips. Edward? He was supposed to be with Bella tonight. _I hope she wasn't with him_. That he'd gone to a store, and she'd stayed home, safe and sound.

"We've already prepared both of trauma rooms. EMT's are going to be here with Edward in a couple of minutes." That must have been the 'trauma minor'. So Edward wasn't hurt too bad. But what about Bella?

"Laura, tell me _everything_ you know!" I demanded as we went for the stairs.

"So around eleven at 101 and Sol Duc Way, a car tried to cross the main road, but hit your sons' car in the right side. Driver of the other car was dead on arrival, but two people in your sons' car…"

I sank into my own thoughts. Two! So Bella _was_ in the car. Wait! Did she say 'in the right side'? The passengers' seat! Oh, god, this was bad.

"Dr. Cullen?" I turned to her. "They still haven't got the girl out of the wrack."

I realized that I had to brace myself for the worst. But I prayed for my fears not to come true…

I had just gone into the ER, when Edward was brought in.

It was always harder to treat a familiar person – emotions messed up with rational thinking, but I would not allow it.

I recognized Ivan immediately as I went outside to meet the paramedics. He began to report.

"Car crash victim, male, 24 years old, name…" He turned around. "Oh! Hello, Carlisle."

"Evening, Ivan. Take him to trauma room two." They went inside, and I followed.

"So," Ivan continued, as we walked to trauma room. "GSC 4-4-5. He has head trauma, broken arm and possible neck injury. He was unconscious when we arrived, but regained consciousness fairly quick, so the head trauma shouldn't be anything too serious."

They brought Edward in the trauma room, and I grabbed Ivan's arm and tug him a bit away from it.

"How's the girl?" I asked full of concern.

"Not so good. She got most of the impact. But I don't know much - other team worked on her. Sorry. When we left, the still hadn't managed to get her out of the car."

"Yeah, ok. Thanks." I went inside the room, feeling frustrated – I still had no useful information about Bella. I went to Edward, who was now on the gurney, and decided to start with his neck.

I looked at the monitors that showed his heart rate and oxygen levels and began the examination. "Well, your oxygen level is fine, heart rate normal. Does your neck hurt?"

He tried to shake his head. "No, I'm fine, apart from the back of my head and arm. You have to take care of Bella."

"As soon as she's here, I will. Were waiting for the other unit to come, everything is prepared. But, until then, let me examine you." My expression must have given something away, because, as I took the neck-brace off, he asked,

"It's bad, isn't it?"

"I really don't know much."

"Carlisle, you know something. How bad is it? Please, tell me."

I had to think about what to say for a moment. What could I tell him? I didn't know much myself. And then it came to me, did he know about the baby? Horror took over me once again, what if something had happened to the baby? I knew from experience that after major traffic accidents miscarriage rate was high, especially in the first trimester, but I couldn't help myself, but hope for a miracle. For Edward and Bella's sake.

If Edward knew about the baby, he definitely would have asked me if it would be fine. But the shock and head trauma could also be the reason. I decided that that subject would have to be discussed later, when things would be clearer.

"Tell me if it hurts anywhere. And don't try to downplay anything." I slowly turned his head from side to side.

I was still wondering if it was a good idea to tell him what I knew of Bella's condition, or leave him in the dark until she got here. Should I tell him the little I knew and speak my worries aloud? I decided that better not to.

"Slowly put your chin to your chest."

He looked at me pleading. "Carlisle…"

"Right now it's not looking so good." I answered before he even began his question. "But I haven't examined her, so I can't tell you what to expect."

I asked him to sit up, and he winced and clutched his side. I checked his side and he definitely had some broken ribs also.

I checked his pupil reflexes and eye coordination. His eyes twitched a bit as they followed my finger to the sides. When I checked his equilibrium, I had to catch him, so he wouldn't hit the floor. He definitely had a concussion.

"So, your eyes are a little twitchy and you have problems with your equilibrium. Do you remember what happened? Any blackouts?"

"No, I remember everything, except for the while I was unconscious."

I continued my examination with the usual questions for patients with head trauma.

Then I took his hand, cautiously opened the brace and sighed. I didn't need x-rays to see that both bones of his forearm were broken, right above the palm.

"I'll have to fix this. Reposition the bones. You'll need an operation. But first let's take X-rays." I had to see the actual position of the bones and see if there were bone shatters, before I did anything.

I told a nurse to take him to radiology for X-rays, and give him "Lasix", to prevent extra fluid and pressure forming in his skull, and some pain medication as well.

I went outside the ER, trying to calm myself a little. I had to clear my head before I called Alice.

I crossed the road and sat on the pavement. I hoped that the fresh air would help and took deep deliberate breaths. When I finally felt a bit calmer and could go through a sentence without too many um's, and uh's. I dialed Alice.

Surprisingly she picked up on the first ring and nearly yelled into the phone.

"Dad, what's wrong? I feel something's very wrong, so tell me right NOW!"

That took me of guard. "Um, yeah. Uh, Edward and Bella were in a car crash." I heard a silent 'Oh god' at the other end. "Can you come to the hospital?" At that moment my pager went off again – 'Trauma major, ETA 5 min.'

"Can you tell me how bad are they?" she asked her voice cracking.

"Edward's practically fine, but I don't know much about Bella's condition, she's not here yet."

"Dad, it's bad. I can feel it." She was panicked. Ever since Alice was little She had a feel of tings, and she'd been never been wrong before, I could just hope that there's always a first time.

"Alice, honey? I need you to calm down. Can you come? I don't want to leave Edward alone."

" Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I'll be there in 15."

"Be careful, Alice" _We don't need another accident today._

I heard the sirens, already. "Oh, I don't want to put this on you, but could you tell Rosalie? Just don't get her too upset." Being 6 months pregnant that she was, this kind of stress could cause complications.

"Yeah, I know. Just please don't let anything happen to Bella."

I knew I couldn't say that, so I promised to do everything I could.

I hung up just as the EMT' s rounded the corner.

* * *

**AN: Like it? Hate it? Suggestions? Ideas? Criticism? Anything? Please Review. :)**

**I'll try to update soon, but the broken finger won't help to do it. After typing this chapter i feel like my arm is going to fall off.**


	5. Chapter 4: Sorry

**Sorry, not an update.**

**Unfortunately, due to some personal reasons, I am unable to continue this story for a while. Right now I'm putting the story on hiatus - indefinitely - until I decide if I'll continue it.**

**The decision was quite hard to me and took me a long time to decide 'cos I'm really dedicated to it (I have spend a lot of time writing it, even failed a few tests at school because of it) and it's really hard to put it away, but the lack of reviews helped me to make the decision . **


	6. Good News

**Good news. I know you want me to continue with the story, and I will. **

**I also am going to rewrite the already posted chapters, because with the way I've started the story it's getting me nowhere, and it's a tad to unrealistic right now. It has started with too much drama (I had a rough period in my life) and I feel that I have to let the characters develop the story properly before the events get out of their control.**

**Even though my real live is really hectic right now, I'll try to update regularly. This story is important to me and I would love to let it see the daylight.**

**I will delete this story when I begin to post the new one, so add me to author alerts. **

**The rewrite will be called Letting go.(I promise not to make you wait long for the first chapter)**

**Susan**


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